Home Narthex Divorce. When It’s Already Done

Divorce. When It’s Already Done

One of them talks the other doesn’t hear. One of them listens the other doesn’t speak. There is condescension, retreat, passive aggressive behavior, inattentiveness, ignoring, blaming, slothfulness, ineffectiveness, superiority, self-absorption and pain. I won’t say which was the author of which behavior but that there is plenty of blame to go around. Eventually, there was very little God and soon no shared bond in Him at all. He was most assuredly not on the throne in this marriage, or in this home; at least not in the ways that mattered and not in ways that would have saved it. Too little, too late was tried when the wound was exposed and the cut so deep, and the bleeding so profuse that patient-marriage was dead on arrival.

So it died, the marriage. But before it breathed its last, another element was added: an interloper, a spy, an outside-confidant came into to the mix. When that was discovered the damage was done, but of all the pain, that is the one that lingers.

We have all moved on, forgiven, forgotten. But for the injured party the one betrayed…Something lingers, a thing that says, I understand our bed was rocky, I understand our life had nails but never in a million years did I think you’d add someone to it before our time was finished.

We the bystanders, the witnesses, wonder…what is the problem? Ample time has passed. Forgive, forget, move on, what’s wrong?

But then I look at my own sweet husband who I’ve been with now more time than I’ve been without; and I think, move on? Really? How could I face the husband of my youth and not see the plans that we made and dreams that we shared. That would cut deep, too deep I think to just move on, forgive and forget because we have shared responsibility, things that still need to be done.

Our God is big and it would take leaning into those mighty big shoulders to make a thing so wrong, all right.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Have you been through this? How are you doing?